Going through a divorce isn’t just a legal process, it’s a profound life transition that touches every part of your world. Sure, your legal team has the paperwork handled, but what about the divorce stress and the waves of emotions, thoughts, and questions like, “what now?” That’s where we come in – normalizing everything you are experiencing and sharing tips for getting through it and coming out stronger on the other side.
The body and mind’s response to divorce stress is often intense and complex.
Let’s talk about what you might be experiencing.
Those moments of fear about the future? Completely normal. Feeling scattered and unfocused? Also normal. Your are processing a major life change, and it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. The key is recognizing these feelings without letting them define your future. Here’s a small taste of what you may be experiencing. And please remember, this is all normal.
Physical Effects – Tension headaches, muscle aches, digestive issues, loss of appetite, stomachaches, fatigue, propensity to get sick (weakened immune system.)
Emotional Effects– Mood swings, anxiety about the future, intense and constant rehashing of the past, waves of grief and despair, anger, joy, flatness or lack of emotions.
Cognitive Effects – Brain fog, memory problems, difficulty making decisions (even small ones), racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, easily distracted.
You don’t need to suffer endlessly and alone
We know divorce brings moments of pain and uncertainty – you can’t escape it. AND – it’s a big one – you have the power to shape your healing journey. You can choose to surround yourself with support, engage in activities that bring you peace, and take deliberate steps toward your own wellbeing. Here’s what really works for managing stress and anxiety-
Get back to self-care basics
Divorce self-care is real. We’re talking survival essentials here, not Insta-worthy spa days. Real talk – Set a consistent bedtime and get good sleep. Drink water (yes, even before coffee). Eat more real food, less snacks and alcohol. Move your body, even if it’s just a 10-minute walk around the block. Write down your feelings and allow yourself to feel all of them, especially the messy and complicated ones. Try meditation and deep breathing exercises. These aren’t fancy fixes, but they’re your foundation when everything feels shaky.
Rediscover yourself
Make time for things you love. We all have those activities we did before marriage.. now’s the time to try them again! Start small – maybe it’s just 15 minutes of reading, trying a new recipe, or picking up an instrument. The thing you do doesn’t matter, it’s the act of choosing yourself that matters. You’re not just filling time; you’re rebuilding your identity, one tiny interest at a time.
Build your support system
Your divorce doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Here’s the cool part: every time you spend time with friends, your brain releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone), which helps boost your serotonin (the feel-good hormone). In other words? That coffee date with your bestie isn’t just fun, it’s literally healing your brain.
So text that friend who always makes you laugh. Join a divorce support group (virtual counts!) Schedule regular calls with your sister. And don’t hesitate to add a therapist to your team.Every connection, every laugh, every shared moment is medicine for your mind and heart. Your people are out there. Let them show up for you.
Practice gentle self-talk
When you catch yourself saying “I should have…” or “If only I’d…” Stop. Right. There. When you get the urge to scroll through your ex’s social media or compare your divorce journey to others? Stop. Right. There. None of this serves you. Your path is yours alone – messy, beautiful, and exactly where you need to be.
Here’s what to do instead. Focus your energy on what you can control – how you treat yourself, the boundaries you set, the future you’re building. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend going through divorce. You’re doing the best you can with what you know right now. Period. Keep a “wins” list on your phone – even tiny victories count. Because every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you’re rebuilding your foundation, one kind word at a time.
Focus on the future, not the past
You can’t change yesterday. But you can create all of your tomorrows. While staying grounded in today matters, creating a roadmap for your future can give you both direction and hope. Start a “someday” list. Write down your dreams (traveling the world, learning an instrument, building a greenhouse) and then break these dreams into bite-sized, achievable goals.
Your future isn’t just about surviving, your future is making it what you want it to be. Each step forward, no matter how big or small, is creating the life you want, not the life you’re leaving behind. Cheers to dreaming and doing for you.