Navigating a high conflict divorce? Strong communication might be your best solution to surviving (and thriving in!) high-conflict divorces. It’s tough, but with the right strategies, you’ll come out stronger on the other side.
What is a high conflict divorce?
Picture this: a divorce that’s like a never-ending rollercoaster of drama, emotions running high, and battles that seem to go on forever. That’s a high-conflict divorce in a nutshell. It’s not just your typical disagreements – we’re talking about intense disputes that can drag on for years, with both parties constantly at each other’s throats. There wasn’t one event or one conflict that sparked this, there have been simmering emotions for some time.
How do I know if I’m in one?
Everyone’s situation is unique, and only you can know if your situation is high conflict! BUT, there are some common signs to look for –
✅ Non-stop arguments – One of you always needs to have the last word, every conversation turns into a heated debate, you can’t ever find peace or common ground.
✅ Revenge is the focus – If you or your ex are out for blood, seeking emotional or financial payback for perceived wrongs, trying to punish each other… you’re in a high conflict divorce.
✅ Unwillingness to compromise – When even the smallest decisions become battlegrounds, and both of you refuse to budge on anything, you know you’re dealing with high conflict.
✅ Emotional rollercoaster – High conflict divorces are often fueled by intense feelings (of anger, betrayal, resentment, fear, hatred) that feel overwhelming and consuming.
What can I do if I’m in a high conflict divorce?
Let your lawyer be your voice
When your ex sends a nasty text full of lies, don’t fire back. Instead, screenshot it and send it to your lawyer. This built-in cool-down period helps de-escalate the situation. Your lawyer can respond professionally, keeping you on the high road. Let them be your buffer, keeping you above the fray.
🔥 Pro Tip → Find yourself a therapist, coach, friend, or us! Anyone in your corner, supporting you through this journey, is going to be a game-changer. Get started💡HERE!
Let technology be your friend
In high-conflict divorces, avoiding communication with your ex is often recommended—but tricky when kids are involved. Let technology help! Use shared docs or apps like OurFamilyWizard to streamline conversations and decisions. When communication is unavoidable, lean on tools and strategies that help you handle it with strength and grace.
Document everything
In high-conflict situations, having a paper trail can be a lifesaver. Use co-parenting apps and other digital tools to keep communication records. It’s always better to have factual data points than memories or statements that start with, “I think it started…”
Focus on your goals
Remember, the goal is to get through this and start your new life. Don’t get caught up in winning every battle. Focus on the goals you set for this process – remind yourself of the type of person you want to be – and check your expectations to make sure they are realistic. 📣 This is where a divorce coach comes in handy! Some even specialize in high conflict situations! 📣
Know when to walk away
These divorces can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself throughout the process. Find support through therapy, coaching, friendship, or activity. Remind yourself of who you are and what your goals are. Think big picture, and let go of what you can. 🙏
Stay strong, ladies. It’s not easy, and with the right approach and support, you will navigate this challenging time and come out on the other side. We promise.